Among Us: Live at Zancudo – An Event That Even I Couldn’t Ruin 
LSPD Officer Carelessly Rams Innocent Bystander 
Local Fatty Fat Fuck Can’t Stop Eating Long Enough to Give 2 Minute Interview 
LOCAL HERO OFFICER RESPONDS TO WEAZEL NEWS CHAOS 
Police Punching Down on Local Businessfolk
In what can only be described as the greatest journalistic achievement of my underappreciated career, Weazel News has obtained EXCLUSIVE...
Mimes Fire Back at Former Clown
In a dramatic turn of events yesterday, The Barron, notorious underlord of Los Santos' powerful mime syndicate, confronted Bobby Beldrum...
UPDATE: Operation Squatch Watch
Two officers who were later identified as Dee LinQ and Opal Pryce were overheard discussing their plans for the future...