UPDATE: Operation Squatch Watch

Two officers who were later identified as Dee LinQ and Opal Pryce were overheard discussing their plans for the future of the TRT. Earlier this week, Weazel News undercover reporter Tannis Quistarkten witnessed Sgt. Pryce of the LSPD engaged in mortal combat with a sasquatch early Friday evening. The fight ended when Pryce literally dismembered the adult creature before invading its cave and kidnapping a baby sass from the Mt. Josia Wilderness Preserve.

Reports later indicated strange sounds coming from the MRPD basement later that week. One caller described it as such:

“Hello, yes? I’d like to report a noise complaint. It sounds like there’s a thousand Wookies trying to escape from MRPD right now. Please could you give me the number of Animal Control? What? Who is Weazel News? I’m trying to call information…”

Further investigation by our reporters has uncovered a disturbing plot within the department. According to confidential sources close to the matter, Officers LinQ and Pryce are spearheading a classified operation to methodically replace members of the Tactical Response Team (TRT) with human-sasquatch hybrids.

Documents obtained exclusively by Weazel News suggest these genetically modified beings would not only serve in law enforcement roles but could eventually be coerced into performing civilian jobs, particularly in sanitation. So say goodbye to your jobs.

Weazel News will continue to investigate this developing story.