Jose Gerardo: Sovereign Nation Builder

When I first got word that this guy, Jose Gerardo had declared independence from Los Santos and established his own sovereign nation, I thought, “I guess secession and terrorism are back on the menu. Well, better get on with it then” After putting my pants back on and abandoning my truth serum session behind the Vanilla Unicorn, I ambled my way down to the courthouse to meet this self titled, First Jefe of Gerardo Island. I expected to find a rational citizen exercising his constitutional rights. Instead, I found a madman whose unique combination of determination and delusion could only be described as… manic.

Jose regaled me with tales of how he secured his independence by taking a cop hostage and negotiating a judge, resulting in a contract granting him sovereignty over an island off Palomino Highway. According to Jose, his new nation offers citizenship for the low, low price of $50,000, complete with immunity from Los Santos law enforcement, which is a bargain compared to what we pay our lawyers monthly to keep us out of prison for our journalistic methods. The First Jefe’s pupils were the size of dinner plates as he explained his plans for a “sea navy”, as opposed to the far less effective land navy, I suppose, and his dreams of diplomatic relations with Los Santos to free lifers from prison. At one point, he spent three minutes explaining the proper angle at which to fire guns into the air during “weddings and funerals and stuff,” which I’m pretty sure is chapter one in every legitimate nation’s constitution.

As I listened to Jose detail his island paradise where gambling is legal and citizens can store “anything that you don’t want the police to see,” I couldn’t help but wonder what pharmaceutical cocktail had inspired such grandiose delusions, and how I could get my hands on it. Was it the same stuff I was about to huff behind the strip club? Should I be taking notes for my own future sovereign nation of Rashguardia? All I know is that by the time Jose started describing himself as “overlord of the sea navy,” I was seriously reconsidering my life choices. Not because his plan seemed insane, but because this hustler had somehow managed to achieve independence and I can’t even figure out how to escape my alimony payments.