LOCAL HERO OFFICER RESPONDS TO WEAZEL NEWS CHAOS

In what can only be described as the pinnacle of my journalistic career, I, Travis Rashguard, owner of the barely-functioning disaster that is Weazel News, was fortunate enough to have Officer Bubba J respond to my incessant whining about the situation outside our offices. While I’ve been to the station THREE WHOLE TIMES today alone – because apparently, I have nothing better to do than harass hardworking police officers about problems I could probably solve by moving my sorry excuse for a news operation elsewhere – Officer Bubba J actually showed up, took pictures, and promised to patrol the area more frequently. I nearly threatened to firebomb the entire neighborhood in my completely rational and measured response to the situation, but Officer Bubba J calmly talked me down because he’s actually competent at his job, unlike the rest of the LSPD.

The LSPD should be proud to have such a dedicated officer in their ranks
-Travis Rashguard

Despite my completely justified meltdown and parking violation, Officer Bubba J maintained his professionalism and even allowed me to photograph him for this article, which I forgot to upload. The LSPD should be proud to have such a dedicated officer in their ranks, especially one willing to deal with neurotic news owners like myself who can’t seem to understand that police have actual crimes to solve rather than babysitting my business interests. So here’s to you, Bubba J, for tolerating my nonsense and still doing your job with dignity – something I wouldn’t know anything about as I continue to run Weazel News into the ground one pathetic complaint at a time.